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day 3 (sorry! crazy few days)

Well where the heck do i begin?

I've had the weirdest few days ever! I have had constant anxiety attacks including today because i've just been overthinking everything and making out that every situation is going to become the worst thing in the world, I've just been thinking kirsty just breathe you'll be fine you're making scenarios in your head again kirsty! I eventually get over these attacks , sometimes i just cry because i have so many panic attacks over small things. But anxiety and panic attacks are something not be ashamed of, you can't help that you have anxiety and maybe cry over the fact you can't ring people or talk to certain people or do certain things. Anyway!! I've been trying to keep myself so busy to distract my mind, i have literally cleaned my whole house from top to bottom and have gone through and gotten rid of EVERYTHING i think is junk aha! I hate clutter i hate MESS! i can literally see one tiny spec of dirt on the floor and instantly think “OMG! my house is a mess, quick i need to vacuum!” i sneak in little cleans while my partner is in the shower sometimes because I'm always cleaning. He will be sitting on the couch and move the coffee table or the cushions on the couch and as soon as he gets up I'm straight to his mess, fixing the cushions back where they belong and moving the coffee table straight back to it's original position. It usually ends like this " KIRSTY! i was comfy where i had the cushions, now i have to make it comfy again. And you moved the coffee table i still had my drink on it. When i say i do sneaky cleans while my partner is in the shower they aren't really that sneaky because he can hear me cleaning " like Der he is obviously going to hear the vacuum cleaner going” he will usually come into where ever I'm cleaning when he is finished in the shower and say " you know if you want to sneak in a clean while I'm in the shower, make sure i can't hear it” and my response is " Yeah i know but at least by the time you get out of the shower I'm usually done so you can't tell me to stop mid may through vacuuming the floor” Because I'm sure I'm not the only clean freak or " OCD” as my partner likes to say, that will be cleaning (AGAIN) and someone will say " oh will you just stop cleaning” and you still have so much you need to do and things you can see need cleaning and it just frustrates you looking at it! of course i end up doing it anyway.

i guess that'll be it for today!

seeeeeyyyaaaaa tomorrow hopefully haha